


The Scientific Method

by generic_cruiser



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Gen, I apologize for that, This is really sad, angst with lots of feels, i apologize in advance for this one, i tried to add a kinda fitzsimmons moment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-28
Updated: 2021-01-28
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:15:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29037723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/generic_cruiser/pseuds/generic_cruiser
Summary: Jemma Simmons deals with emotional problems the only way she knows how: with science.Set after s3 ep10, when Simmons sets Lash free at the castle to save herself
Relationships: Andrew Garner & Melinda May, Jemma Simmons & Andrew Garner, Jemma Simmons & Melinda May, Jemma Simmons & Skye | Daisy Johnson, Leo Fitz & Jemma Simmons
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	The Scientific Method

**Author's Note:**

> There's this quote from a Jeff Bell interview, where he says "Jemma Simmons will blame herself for any problem ever in the world, whether she's truly guilty or not." That makes me incredibly sad, but was also the inspiration for this fic, so expect major sad Simmons feels. I apologize for that in advance. 
> 
> I accidentally ignored canon based off of when they learn about Hive and when they find Lash so let's just pretend that the two don't happen in the same episode :)
> 
> Side note: this is based off of the stuff I learned about the scientific method in middle school, so if it's not accurate to your version, that would be why.

### Ask a Question

How had they gotten to this point? How had Jemma Simmons gotten so low that she was willing to let a serial killer out around his prey just to save herself? All those Inhumans, their lives already ruined by her curiosity with alien artifacts, and she just let them die. Just like that. There was no way to spin it, no bright side; Jemma had become a killer by proxy. Manslaughter, basically. 

### Background Research

It was easier to blame Maveth, to blame her time on that God forsaken planet on her sudden disregard for other lives. Yes, that trauma had been what had ruined her, what had spurred her to allow herself to be tortured, to let Fitz try to bring an evil alien back. It was what had made her escape captivity, what had led her to Andrew, what had made her press those buttons that ended lives. 

And then she could trace Maveth back to the monolith, which she had insisted they study. So that was her fault too. And the monolith was from Afterlife, which was chock full of the alien genetics she had been too eager to learn about. And the only reason they had known about Afterlife was because Jemma had alienated herself from Daisy enough to make her run off. Her fault again. 

It was all on her.

### Constructing a Hypothesis

In 7th year, Jemma had been taught that the best hypotheses were “if then statements.” If this happens, then this will happen. Maybe add a because: if this happens, then this will happen because of this. Over time, over the years of getting PhDs and becoming a S.H.I.E.L.D. scientist that they were more than that. They were cause and effect, making educated guesses to help get results. After a while, after she met Fitz, she almost stopped using a hypothesis altogether. She and Fitz hardly ever needed to think about the possible results; they knew what they wanted the outcome to be, so they just worked and worked until it happened. 

As time passed, hypotheses became more about emotions. If Jemma said alien DNA was bad, then Daisy would shut herself out. If Jemma let a cold blooded killer out of his cage, then he would kill people. Because of _her._

### Experimenting

Guilt makes some people shut down, but it made Jemma Simmons work harder. Especially when the guilt came with dead bodies, that’s very motivating. Especially with the knowledge that more damage was likely to come. 

That guilt was the reason that she’s pulled a double shift in the lab for the past two days, refining the algorithm to find Lash. May comes in to help during normal hours, in between missions, but Jemma spent hours alone in the lab afterwards, writing and rewriting algorithms, hoping to find a better one. If May knew why Jemma always had new work when she came in, she didn’t question it.

Both of their guilt led them into the lab at six am, May looking like she'd been awake for hours, Jemma still yawning and sipping tea. May glanced at the new notes scattered all around the table. Jemma had forgotten to put them away the night before, stumbling to bed in a tired haze. Her handwriting on the new papers looked messy and very unlike her.

“What did you find?” May’s voice was harsh, like usual, but there was a more desperate tone to it this time. It made it all that much harder to admit that there was almost nothing.

Jemma yawned, and gulped down some more tea. It burned her mouth, and she waited a second to collect herself before answering. “I’ve been trying to figure out how Lash tracks other Inhumans, if he uses heightened senses, or if it's part of his abilities, that he can just sort of tell. I also looked into whether he can sense an Inhuman who hasn’t turned yet.” 

“And?” 

She ducked her head, a little embarrassed. “Well, based on the fact that he managed to find Inhumans that we didn’t know about, it seems like he does have some way to find them beyond...searching our files...I haven’t found anything yet off his DNA, but I have some experiments running.” Jemma tried to ignore May’s concerned look, and how tired she was. As long as she found Lash, it was all a means to an end.

~

Daisy glanced over at Jemma from her perch on the couch. "What's up?"

"Would you believe me if I said nothing?"

"Absolutely not."

Jemma sighed, cringing slightly at the sound of bullets from the TV. "I got people killed, Daisy. Inhumans that were already captive, and I let them die."

Daisy frowned. "Lash killed them."

"Yeah, I let Lash out, just to save my own skin."

"Okay, yeah, maybe you did, but I for one am glad you're alive. And you didn't make him kill the Inhumans."

"No, but I knew there would be consequences! That he would run away or kill people."

Daisy threw her hands up, her arm closest to Jemma wrapping around her shoulders. "Literally everything we do has consequences. We tried to stop Hydra, I got powers and ran off and got agents killed because of my parents. Nothing we do won't ever have consequences, you've got to just live with it." 

Jemma looked up at Daisy, who shrugged. "What?"

"Thank you." And she meant it, honestly. It was nice to not be coddled, for someone to comfort her in a way that wasn't smothering.

"Have you talked to May? She feels as bad as you do," Daisy added, watching the TV as a conventionally attractive actress shot at random men dressed in all black.

Jemma bit her lip. "We're working on a solution."

"Good."

### Collecting Data

A week of experimenting with algorithms and Inhuman genetics, and Jemma had almost nothing. No way to find Lash, no way to protect the Inhumans he was sure to murder. And she didn’t feel any less guilty about her involvement, no matter what anyone else said. 

It was frustrating, having nothing to report. Or anything to prove that her decision hadn't been a massive mistake that would end in disaster. 

She expected the reassurances of her team to help, and they did, to an extent. It helped when Fitz admitted how he felt about Will’s death, when May revealed her own guilt, when Daisy comforted Jemma. But she still felt responsible. Too responsible, most likely, but knowing that didn’t change much. 

###  Analyzing the Data

“No one else blames you but you, Jemma.”

Jemma crossed her arms. “What’s your point?”

Fitz sighed. “My  _ point  _ is that there’s no reason for you to beat yourself up over something that isn’t your fault. Especially when no one else thinks it’s your fault except you.”

“Is that what you’d say about Will?” A low blow, but effective. 

“That’s different. I actually killed him.”

“An alien killed him, and you killed the alien. Your actions were justified.”

Fitz threw his hands up. “So were yours! You were going to get killed, so you saved yourself.”

Jemma walked away. Petty, maybe, but it was better than admitting that Fitz was right. It was so much easier to blame herself, to look back on all her mistakes and think about how they had led to her mistake at the castle. And sure, maybe Lash was to blame for the bodies, but  _ she _ had let him out, knowing that could happen. That was on her. 

May came by at least once a day to check on their algorithm, and by proxy, Jemma. Sometimes they got a lead on Lash, sometimes they just talked. About their shared guilt, about other missions, about how the team was doing. It was nice to have someone to talk to, even if it was a little weird to be confiding in May. Weird in a good way, though. 

###  Coming to Conclusions & Sharing Them

They had failed. Everything at the castle; closing the portal, killing Ward, it didn’t matter. The alien creature was out. And in the body of Grant Ward, no less. 

There were many debates about what that meant for the team, what it meant for their fight against Hydra and for Inhumans.  Jemma was more worried about what it meant for her actions and her guilt. She had escaped the castle in hopes of making sure that whatever creature Malick wanted to unleash wouldn't make it back. That was her reasoning when she typed in the code to open the containment pod's doors: that it would help the greater good. A means to an end. But it didn't matter, they had failed. And people had died for no reason. 

~

_We're going to stop them._ _We're going to stop them._

Jemma's new mantra, curtesy of May. They had stopped unnatural occurrences before, they had bounced back from major setbacks too. They could stop this. They _would._

No amount of planning could've prepared Jemma for the field. It was strange to remember when getting an alien virus was the scariest thing she had gone through, how terrified she had been when she jumped out of the Bus. A small feat after she considered going undercover and being kidnapped and dealing with some sort of alien invader. Each experience had changed her; made her braver, smarter, stronger. But none had left this much blood on her hands.

But they all had blood on their hands. May had killed a child, no older than nine, to save lives. Coulson had killed Grant Ward in cold blood, out of rage, grief and a need to protect his family. Daisy had been willing to kill her mother and father in order to protect the rest of the world. And Jemma, she had let Lash kill innocent Inhumans to save herself. So she could go on saving the rest of the world. Putting it into perspective, there was no avoiding it. Lives would be lost, so more could be saved. Not really the most humane way of thinking, but it helped the guilt subside. 

~

The meeting wasn't mandatory, just a recap, a way to get an understanding of all the information they had. Jemma hadn't planned to go to it, but she needed to know how much control they had, and what she could do to help.

Everyone looked up when she slipped into Coulson's office, and Daisy smiled, moving to stand next to her. 

"You okay?" Daisy whispered, keeping her eyes on Coulson.

"Yeah."

"Good."

Coulson ended his report about Malick then turned towards Jemma and May. "How's the Lash manhunt going?"

_We're going to stop him, we are going to stop him._

Jemma took a deep breath. "We might have something."

**Author's Note:**

> As of me writing this, two of my fics passed 300 hits, which like, wtf. Thank you thank you to the people who come back and comment and give feedback, I really appreciate it. 
> 
> As always, feedback is welcome, and so are requests.


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